I have always had the desire to overcome whatever obstacles were placed in my path to push through and make a better life for myself filled with joy, love and a constant grasp at fulfillment at the end of my day. Some days I find it harder than others to suck it up, pull up my big girl panties and move forward instead of crumbling to a pile of emotional mush!
I have not blogged about my autoimmune disease, Rheumatoid Arthritis, in quite a while because it really has not seemed to bother me so much and I hate to dwell on something that I really have little control over much less the fact that worrying about it will not make it better. My disease has stayed pretty localized to my right hand, lower back and neck area for more than a year now, but this week, as I am finding my path to put in more training and feeling my way through my marathon runs, I feel like I have suffered a blow as my Rheumatoid Arthritis is moving to my left hand. It’s mentally devastating, the pain and extreme fatigue are awful, but the mental impact it has that I am not in control of this really brings a girl to her knees in tears.
I have fought off taking medications for my disease for at least four years now and I loathe the thought of having to revisit that treatment option. The medications are awful, the testing I would have to endure for months and not to mention the body scans that I would have to have, it just makes me feel even more PISSED OFF! I’ve tried to do everything right, I’ve exercised, I’ve cut out my trigger foods, I stopped consuming alcohol and this makes it seem all for not.
But I cannot allow myself to sit and feel sorry for myself. I must look at the fact that so many cannot even walk, let alone get up and run. I am extremely lucky that my disease has not progressed to my lower extremities. I still have the ability to run, jump, row and shockwave my buns off! Simply, I must try harder because I CAN & I WILL not allow this to defeat me. My Mom often sends me little messages to make sure I am taking care of myself and asking me if maybe I am doing too much, especially last Fall when I raced for what seemed to be 2 months straight. Ironically, yes, my body was tired, but studies have shown that the more I walk/run/crawl the less likely my disease is to spread to my legs and feet which is what I am fighting so hard to prevent.
Today I want to give in and crawl into my bed and sleep for
days hours, but I know that I cannot. It will not help me or the illness I fight. So today I will push through the constant nag and hold myself accountable to get my 4 mile run in after work because I Can & I Will!
If you are in a fight something, I say to you, push hard to fight, ask for help and be kind to yourself when you really need to. Never give up on your dreams and never give into what may seem impossible. You can fight every single day and sleep at night knowing that you gave it all you had . . . it’s ok to feel sorry for yourself now and then, but never let it define who you are or what you can accomplish.